Ava's Birth Story

I haven't really written out Ava's birth story yet, just been to busy and I wasn't ready to do it, but I want to make sure I do it so I can put it in her baby book. So I thought I better do it now before I start to forget stuff, after all she is almost 4 months old?!! Man time flies...

Ava Sophia's Birth Story

October 8, 2009

41 weeks 1 day

3:04 pm

8lbs 4.5 oz 20 1/4 inches

AGAR'S 8/9

After being a week and a day over due and despite having quite regular and painful contractions we headed in for a repeat c-section and said goodbye to our VBAC hopes on Thursday morning the 8th of October (four days before Logan's 3 rd birthday). When we got up to L&D we were told that they were running very behind and my section would not be at 1:30 as scheduled and we also were informed that the new state of the art patient tower was full and new mom's were being placed in the old mother baby unit. I was shown to my room where I would be monitored and prepped for the c-section. Once the nurse came in I asked her if my doctor was still going to be delivering since they were running so late, she said yes, but I had a feeling there was going to be a problem. The nurse took my blood pressure and it was elevated again (I had been in L&D on my due date with elevated pressure and spilling some protein, but labs came back ok) so they ran pre-e labs again. While we were waiting for the labs to come back my doctor came in to see me and let me know that one, he might not be able to deliver because he had to be on a plane at a certain time and he didn't' want to rush through my section and they were still pretty behind (he wasn't suppose to be there that day at all, but since I never went into labor he squeezed me so he could deliver) He said one of the other doctors in the practice would deliver which I wasn't happy about, since I had only seen one of the other doctors in the practice. Next he told me that if the labs came back pre-e that obviously I would have to be put on the magnesium again (something he knew we were trying to avoid big time) but he wrote orders that it not be started until after I was in recovery so I could have a better birth experience this time. He left saying I hope I see you in there, but I wasn't counting on it. A little while later the nurse came in carrying a bag and since I already had my IV going and it was a smaller bag I knew what that meant. She asked if the doctor had talked to me about my labs and I said no, but I know what's in your hand. She told me I had pre-e my labs came back all elevated. She told me that I would be recovering in the private room this time so they could start the mag in there after delivery. I thought that was nice, with Logan I was in the multi bed recovery area, this way we had privacy. We wait a bit and then the nurse popped in and said the section before me was finishing up and told Matt to get his scrubs on!

The nurse came and got me a little after 2pm and I got to walk myself into the OR this time. Once I got in the OR I got up on the table and the nurses started getting this compression things on my legs (something I didn't have with Logan) once those were on the anesthesiologist got started on my spinal. I don't know if it was because it was a spinal verse a epidural or because I wasn't in labor this time, but it hurt soooo much more than when I had my epi placed with Logan. It took him awhile to get it in and it was painful, but my pain relief during the section was way better than with the epi, so it was worth it. It became apparent that my doctor wasn't gong to make it, but the doctor that came in just happen to be the only other doctor I had seen in the practice so that made things a little better. Things moved pretty fast once the spinal was in, I laid down, the drape went up and next thing I knew Matt was beside me and they had started.

Being my second c-section it took a lot longer to get to the baby I had scar tissue and there was another problem where something was attached to something else and it was caused by my first section, so they had to detach that which took more time as well. Matt and I chit chatted a bit during this part of surgery, I remember telling Matt that it was weird that I was in surgery with doctor rearranging my insides, but I was still starving (I had to stop eating at midnight and my section wasn't until the afternoon!). After what felt like forever the nurse said they were getting close. I can't even describe how excited and nervous I was, I just wanted to know she was ok. We told the nurse to make sure they lowered the drape after she was out, and once she was out the assisting doctor held her up and they dropped the drape for us. It was so awesome seeing her right out of the oven! My first thought was that she was HUGE compared to Logan and then I thought that she looked a little like Logan. Matt got a picture as well and we just both cried, what a journey to get her here and finally our beautiful daughter was here. She didn't start crying until she was under the warmer, it's always nerve wracking not hearing the cry right away, but once she started man was it loud and healthy! Matt was able to go over to her and cut the remainder of the cord, something else we had requested that didn't' happen with Logan because if his health issues. So Matt was the proud Daddy cutting the cord. He took some pictures of her and came over and showed them to me on the camera. The way the room was set up I couldn't see her while they did foot prints and got her wrapped up, but I could hear her and the nurses kept saying how beautiful she was. Once she was ready the nurse brought her over to me and I got to hold her while I was still on the OR table, it was perfect and she was so beautiful I couldn't believe she was here. Matt held her next and nurses took lot's of pictures for us before heading back to my recovery room. I was so thankful that I was able to feel good during delivery and experience some of the stuff we missed out with last time because of Logan's difficult delivery.

Once we got back into recovery they had to get my magnesium started, the nurse explained that I was going to get a bulbous which was a lot of mag all at once and then I would keep getting them until my pressures were under control, this was different than last time when I was just on continuous mag while I was in labor and 24 hours after delivery (yea I felt like crap for a long time) So they get that started but I feel good, I tried to breastfeed her, but she wasn't interested. She was alert though, from the second she came out her eyes were open and she seemed so interested in everything. So we took some more pictures and then Matt went to go get our parents (they didn't know we were having a girl). Matt's parents came in first and his Mom said is that blue for a boy on that hat, and I said "No this is would be Ava Sophia your granddaughter" (the had was more blue than pink, but that's just standard) she was shocked she thought for sure Ava was a boy. Then my Mom and Dad came in, and my Mom who thought it was a girl for sure, said as she walked in "Was I wrong?" and Matt's Mom said nope you were right it's a girl! All the grandparents took turns holding Ava and then all of a sudden the mag hit me like a ton of bricks, I had to lay down and I felt sooo hot, just like last time. About that time they were ready to get me to my post partum room, which because I had pre-e I had to be in one of the intensive care rooms on the old mother baby unit, which I was pretty upset about, so the grandparents leave, except my Mom and they give me Ava and the wheel me over to my room. Once they get me in the bed the baby nurse came for Ava to go get her bath, and pediatrician check, a process that takes about 2 hours. I was nervous about her gong, it was at this point when Logan started showing distress and he never came back to us until the next morning and he had his NG tube by then, so obviously I was worried. As soon as they took her up to the nursery they started my next bulbous of Mag and boy that one was bad. Matt had run out to move our car the overnight area and luckily my Mom was with me and of course the nurse stayed with me. It was the worst feeling in the world, it felt like I needed to pass out but I was already laying down so I couldn't get relief and I was just DRENCHED in sweat I was so hot I thought I was going to die and my heart was racing. My Mom kept wetting towels and wiping me down, I had several towels all over me , then she wrapped my hand in one and that helped a lot, it took about 20 minutes for the bulbous to be administered and it was 20 minutes of hell for sure. I kept crying that I felt so bad that i wasn't gong to be able to feed Ava or take care of her when they brought her back to me. Eventually I started to come out of the reaction and luckily that was the last super dose of mag I was to get.

To our great relief Ava came back down after 2 hours with a clean bill of health and I was able to breastfeed and she sure loved to eat we would find out, such a different experience than with Logan. My Mom left us a little after 8pm and we spent the rest of the night just loving on our new baby girl. Since I was on the Mag they strongly urged me to have Ava taken to the nursery so I could get some rest and I didn't object (we ended up sending her to the nursery every night...hey get the sleep while you can!) they brought her down for her feedings and we would spend a little cuddle time after each feeding before sending her back.

All in all this delivery was like night and day compared to Logan's. I didn't suffer any c-section depression or baby blues. Ava was healthy, the c-section was not difficult, no NICU, came home a day early and with us, we truly were blessed. I remember being in my room after having Logan, telling Matt I don't want to do this again any time soon and this time I looked at Matt and said i don't want to be done, I want to do this again...

Our Beauty Ava Sophia

We may have our prince and princess, but there is still room in our castle!

Blah...

Matt took Logan to immediate care today while I headed out to my Mom's for Pop's birthday party and sure enough now he has acute bronchitis so on to antibiotics. I am so bummed he is going to miss the party and we are going to miss taking him to see Curious George Live. Hopefully the meds will get him feeling better in the next day and he kicks the fever. So Matt and Logan had boy day today and me, Ava and my Mom did some shopping at the outlet mall in Huntley (FYI Carter's has 50% off of clearance right now!) and then headed home for dinner and cake and all that fun stuff. For the past three years Logan has been sick this last weekend in January, thankfully it wasn't the stomach bug this year, but still no fun for him or us. Hoping my baby wakes up fever free tomorrow!

Nothing Is Getting Done Today, So Let's Blog!

We kept Logan home from school today, he has a pretty nasty cough/cold going now and we wanted him to rest up because we are suppose to take him to see Curious George Live tomorrow. It's going to be his surprise for potty training, so I hope he feels better enough to go tomorrow and we also have Pop's birthday party tomorrow night so we are laying low today trying to get better.

So since Logan is home my whole Friday routine is off, usually cleaning and bills are done today. I did bills last night and who knows when the cleaning will get done now.

I have some fun pictures to show though. The first one was from Ava's bath the other day. We took out the foam insert now that she is bigger and stronger so she was enjoying being in the water more and sh was trying to sit up on her own, something she does all the time now. She had fun splashing around and big brother had fun helping!

This one is just funny, Ava somehow manages to wiggle out of her sleep positioner every night and by the morning she is sleep at the end of her bassinet with her feet up in the air, she seems to like that sleeping position though. We moved Logan out of the bassinet on Valentines Day of 2007 so he was just 4 months old, so I think we might move her into the crib soon, I can't even remember the last time she woke up for a night feeding so I think the only problem of moving her to the crib is the fact that Logan wakes up several times a night, but hopefully she won't wake up, she seems to sleep through his night waking now when he comes into our room.

Mommy Gets A Day Out!

Matt was home today since he worked Sunday this week, so my Mom came out and picked me up and we got to have some yummy lunch and then do some shopping. It was so nice to get out of the house and have an afternoon to myself. I had the best burger ever at Chili's with triple thick bacon...OMG I didn't have to eat the rest of the day after eating that thing! Before lunch we headed to a local antique store so my Mom could get her antique fix in. I am usually not a big fan of antiquing, but I found an original My Little Pony from when I was little, so of course my Mom had to buy it for me, I think i will clean it up and give it to Ava, she got one of the new ones for Christmas, but those are just not the same. I also found s little die cast Batman figure for Matt (he's a Batman guy) he's going to put in his office at work, so I had some fun at the antique store. We hit target after lunch and we both did some damage there but we got some good deals. It was fun and i needed a shopping day.

After I got home Matt made dinner and then we headed out to an open house at one of the preschools we are considering for Logan next school year. We liked it and the teachers seemed really nice. I liked that they had music and gym, where they actually move to another room and have different teachers for both. We also like that they have a 3 year old room and an older 3 year old room for kids like Logan who are 3 now and will be 4 early in the school year. So we are going to check out one more preschool program and then make our decision and get registered since we all know good preschools fill up fast!

And a little bit of triva for you, it was FOUR years ago tonight I found out I was pregnant with Logan! Man time flies when your a Mommy!

Scariest Moment of My Life!

So Logan's little cold quickly turned into croup last night. It was about 11:15pm and we had just gotten Ava to sleep and all of a sudden we hear a weird cough coming out of Logan's room, Matt went up to check on him and once he opened the door and I could really hear him, I knew something bad was wrong. Poor Ava kinda got tossed into her swing (and of course waking her up) and before I could get up the stairs, Matt was running down with Logan and went right outside with him to try and help him breath, I just kept saying take him to the ER, we have to take him in. I knew it was croup when I heard him, and he was diagnosed with croup at the end of November, but I never thought that he had croup that time, just a bad cough that sounded a little barky but he never struggled to breath that time. So either he didn't have it that time, or it was a really mild case, because what happened last night was croup and I will never mistaken that again. So anyway, the cold wasn't helping and Logan was really struggling to breath, so I ran up stairs for is lovey while Matt got his coat and shoes, grabbed the diaper bag and they were off. I can't even describe the feeling of watching your child struggle to breath, it really just can't be described, it was awful and he kept asking for me and I couldn't go because of Ava and the whole thing was just the worst moment of my life.

Of course I couldn't even process what was going on after they left, because Ava was screaming her head off at this point, so I go and feed her and she falls back asleep and Matt and I are texting back and forth so I know what the hell is going on with Logan.

They took him right in when they go to the hospital, Matt said there was another family ahead of him but no one seemed in distress, so as soon as they heard Logan they made them wait and took care of him right away. He got steroid shots like he did last time he had croup and he also got a breathing treatment. Of course he wasn't happy about either of those treatments, and even after watching Ava do breathing treatments when she was sick he was still very scared of it, so poor DH had to hold him down with a nurse through all this. After the treatments they observed him for two hours and some change and they came home after 3am. Ava went down for the night a little after 1am and I was pretty much awake until they got home. I heard Logan come home and yell "Mom I got shots, I love shots" and he came right up to our room and gave me a big hug. You know it's bad when your 3 year old is in favor of shots...

I got him back in bed and laid down with him until Matt got ready for bed, and then he slept with Logan for the rest of the night to make sure he was ok. Poor Matt had some of his employees coming in early to work on a project today and was leading a meeting on a new project that he is in charge of and had to be up at 6 am.

Logan was pretty good today, occasionally coughing, but no more attacks. I had to keep him from running around today so he must not have been feeling too bad. He fell asleep nice and early though. Now we are praying that Ava doesn't get sick.

I think I can safely say that was the scariest moment of my life, I hope I never have to go through that again...

Stir Crazy

I am going stir crazy and so are the kids. We have pretty much been in the house since Saturday when we started potty training Logan. I have left for skating but that is it. Ava has been more high maintenance than usual and Logan has been bouncing off the walls and hubby has been gone the last two nights with work and a lodge meeting and trying to get Logan in bed when Ava is awake is near impossible so I am going a little crazy. Logan sounds like he is getting sick, he has been sneezing and coughing a bit today, but seems otherwise unaffected, so hopefully just a little cold. Since I have been stuck in the house it felt good to skate tonight. My Mom and Sister came over to the rink to see me which was nice. I skated well tonight, my Lutz has really improved in the last week, I would say it's back to where it was pre Ava. I did fall for the first time since getting back out, and of course right on my bad hip, but it feels no worse than usual. In other news today, Logan had NO accidents again, I think we might be getting close to venturing out with a potty trained 3 year old soon! Well off to go enjoy myself before Ava wakes up again!

Man I Need A Glass Of Wine...

The title says it all, it's just been one of those exhausting, annoying days as a SAHM. Ava just didn't want to sleep today or be put down, which means I got nothing done and the house looks like a tornado hit it. I have laundry sitting in the washer waiting to be put in the dryer from his morning, I have Thomas and his assortment of train friends all over the table and in various spots in the kitchen, against my better judgment I let Logan play with his Moonsand today so now there is red sand all over the house even though I put it on a cookie sheet and told him to be careful (yea like that was going to work), since Ava was being high maintenance we got to dine on fish sticks and fries for dinner...yum, Matt had to work until 9pm tonight because he is a good manager and feels the need to work the closing shift once a week and of course it's always the night that Logan refuses to go to bed and Ava is screaming bloody murder and I just want to bang my head on the wall! Yep just one of those days, but then again I just looked over at Ava and she gave me a big old smile as if to say it will be better tomorrow Mommy and yep it probably will be!

In other news, day 3 of potty training and we are doing good! Logan had one accident today and that was it. He wore his Thomas the Train undies today and regular pants, he had a little bit of a hard time getting them pulled down and up but hopefully he will get in some practice for school on Friday. I am really amazed at how well he has taken to using the potty, I guess he was ready for it, because as they say when they are ready it will be easy and it sure has been!

Could It Really Be This Easy?

SO to my great surprise day two of potty training went awesome! Logan didn't have ANY accidents today. He used the potty all day long, both going when the timer went off and going on his own when he had too. He would stop playing and run over to his potty, Matt and I are so proud of him. Hopefully it's not a fluke and he will keep up this progress! He even used the big potty with his Cars potty seat before his bath. We will have to get a step stool for him to use it by himself but for now we just set him up there. He hasn't worn any underpants yet, he has been going commando so tomorrow I am going to try and get him to wear underpants and a pair of regular pants without buttons and see how he does, he has a little trouble getting his pants back up right now, but really if that's our biggest potty training problem, I'll talk it! I am trying to figure out what to do for gymnastics and MDO later in the week, do I send him in a pull-up or just go for it with underpants, I know with MDO they will help him with his training, but at gymnastics I am not sure with all that jumping and what not, maybe a pull-up for gymnastics...I will have to see how the rest of the week plays out, but I hope he just gets better at potty time! He is doing such a good job though and as promised he gets a trip to the store to pick out a new Thomas train, of course he said he wanted Edward which is one of the harder ones to find, we will have to hunt one down though because he deserves it!

Potty Training Day One...

Well Logan did pretty well for his first day of potty training. We had a screaming fit in the morning when we took the diapers away and he peed on the carpet up in his room, but after that we got him to go in the potty once and put on a pull-up, which he then peed in two seconds later, so we ditched the pull-ups and let him go naked with pj pants on. We set out kitchen timer and every time it went off he had to sit on the potty, and he went pee and poops each time although it was usually a struggle to get him to sit down, but he was better with it by the end of the day. He had a couple of accidents through out the day, but over all he did pretty good. When I walked in the door after getting back from skating I asked him if he had to go pee pee and he said yes and ran over to the potty and went all by himself, before the timer went off, whoo hoo!! He had one more accident after I got home from skating and then we put him in a diaper for bed. (he will get a diaper for bedtime until we are out of diapers then it will just be pull-ups at night). He was rewarded with a new Thomas Trackmaster set after he went a few times on the potty today and he also got a few suckers as well. Hopefully we will make so more progress tomorrow, but overall we are happy with the way the first day went. By the last time he had an accident in his pj bottoms he really didn't' like the wet feeling and it got him a little upset, so hopefully that was a turning point and he will do his best to avoid feeling wet tomorrow!

TGIF!

So glad today is Friday, looking forward to the weekend and having hubby around, because I am beat this week. Logan had fun at school today, when I got there to pick him up one of his teachers said he should good and tired out because he was playing nonstop with his buddy Max all day. Today at school Logan made a bird feeder out of a pine cone using peanut butter and birdseed and he colored a birdy picture. He is always so proud of his art projects, it's always the first thing he shows me when I walk in the room to pick him up. Matt's Mom is coming out tonight to visit the kids, so we are going to start the potty training tomorrow. I really hope we make some progress, it would be great if he takes to it right away, but I am prepared for the long haul!

Ava is rolling over a lot (back to tummy) but she still can't get her one shoulder rolled over, but I think it still counts as rolling over, it's so fun to watch her with her toys now under her activity gym she really gets them flying around from bating at them. She is still having some problems nursing, although I haven't had to give her any formula today, it seems like at least once a day now I have to supplement a feeding with formula and when she does nurse it's a struggle to keep her latched. I had the same problem with Logan around this time, but he was always more heavily supplemented. I think it's a combination of my body losing some milk supply when I start cycling again and the kids being early teethers. I pump as much as I can and do that in a bottle, but I don't always have enough milk pumped and I have to use formula. I wish I didn't have so much guilt over it, but I do, and I am trying not to. Most of her feedings are breast milk and that is all that should matter and I have to keep telling myself that.

Anyway, off to relax for tomorrow is the big potty training day!

It's Potty Training Time...Whoo Hoo?

So we are going to attempt to start the potty training process with Logan this weekend...this should be interesting. He is pretty much poop trained but not by his choice, he likes to hold it in until we have to force him to sit on the potty and go, and often times we have to give him a suppository to get him to go, fun stuff let me tell ya. Sometimes he will go pee too but only when hes sitting on the potty already. He does tell me when he wants a diaper change now or when he has just peed, so I think we can start, he has to be trained by September when he starts preschool, so hopefully if we start now he will be ready to go by this fall.

We are going to let him be nekkid on bottom this weekend so he gets the idea and doesn't get confused thinking underwear or pull-ups are a diaper. We will give him diapers or pull-ups at night for awhile I am sure. I would love for this first attempt to "take" and be done with two in diapers, but I have a feeling it's going to a bit of a journey with him.

So here we go our first attempt at potty training, God help us because we don't know what we are doing!

A Package From Arkansas!

We got a special package in the mail today all the way from Arkansas from Great-Grandma and Grandpa! Logan always gets excited when he gets mail from Great G&G so we tore right into it as soon as I got it off the front porch. Logan and Ava are both way spoiled by their great grandparents, but that's what having grandparents is all about and I am powerless against it! Logan got some really cool color wonder markers and book (I love it too, he loves using markers and always makes a mess, so these things rock my world!) a cool race car and a super cute Chaps vest and shirt and a rugby sweatshirt, oh and some M&M's! Ms. Ava got a new soft pink flower rattle, and some new clothes, because a girl can never have to many clothes! So a big thank you to Great G&G Pable for the special package for the kids!

Here is Logan busy with his new markers!

Whoo Hoo For Pictures!

Lance posted our pictures today from the shoot on Saturday and they turned out beautiful as usual! I wish I could take pictures like that, hopefully I will get a SLR camera one day...

It was hard to choose but here are some of my favorites!

Isn't she BEAUTIFUL!

Loving The Sibling Interaction

Ava was watching Logan today, something she loves to do as of late, and he did something that made her laugh so hard, it was the cutest thing ever! So of course Logan does more silly stuff including doing his own laughing and Ava just kept laughing and laughing as hard as she could. Logan really got a kick out of it, because really it was the first time other than smiles that she has really interacted with him. They were both just so happy and laughing their little cute tushes off. Note to self, remember this moment when they are teenagers...

A Year Ago Today...

A year ago today I found out I was pregnant with Ava! I remember that day so well. I had taken a pregnancy test the day before and it was negative, but it was still early enough that, that didn't mean anything, so I took another one when I woke up in the morning. Well it looked negative at first but as I looked at it more and more I swore there was a line there, I couldn't get a good picture of it so I couldn't really have my mommy friends and their expert eyes on the board look at it, but I swear I saw something. I should have waited until a little later in the day to test, while most tests say to use your FMU (first morning urine) that has never really worked for me, I should have known better. Of course I had no other tests in the house and Matt was at work and I didn't want to take Logan out just to get one. So I called Matt and told him to bring me home one of my old trusty digital tests. So all day I spent staring at that darn test, I kept thinking maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me. So once Matt got home I ran upstairs to take the digital, I didn't tell Matt about the possible line earlier in the day and I didn't tell him I was taking the one he just brought home. Heart racing I did the digital test, if you haven't used one, it blinks an hour glass while the test is working and it blinked for a really long time... Finally I look down at it and there is was "PREGNANT" the first thing I said, "I new there was a darn line there!" and then my heart was really racing. I went downstairs and Matt was sitting on the couch and I showed it to him, and of course he had that shocked look on his face he gets every time I tell him I am pregnant. That day I thought I had pink eye, so I was going to go to immediate care to have it looked at since it was the weekend, so as soon as I told Matt I was pregnant, I had to head over before they closed so I left Matt in his shocked state and went. They took my blood pressure when I got there and it was high and so was my heart rate LOL! I said well I just found out I am pregnant like 15 minutes ago and then they weren't so concerned. (A side not I didn't have pink eye, the problem was from my contact so then I had to go over to Walmart so the eye doctor could look at it, it was a crazy day) By the time I got home, Matt was a little less shocked. I remember telling Matt that I was going to take today to just be excited, but by the time we were laying in bed that night, my excitement was gone and terror had taken over.

While I was excited I was pregnant, I really didn't get excited about the pregnancy. Granted I was taking my meds and hopeful they would keep me pregnant this time, I just couldn't get attached yet. Sure enough about 2 weeks later I was bleeding again, and lot worse than with my miscarriage and the sad thing was that wasn't even that upset. I thought at least it's happening early this time and we won't ride the emotional roller coaster of literally watching our baby slowly die this time. I called the doctor told them what was going on and the nurse told me she was sorry and to come in for another blood draw to see where my numbers were at. Of course my number had went up so even though it was early I headed in for an ultrasound. I expected the worse of course and to make matters worse Logan had the stomach flu and I had to go alone, it was not a fun day. So I go in for the ultrasound and everything that should be there at that stage (fetal pole, sac) was there still and after the ultrasound tech looked around she said I can't see the baby yet, but at this stage it's ok, and just as soon as she said that she said wait and all of a sudden I saw this tiny little line and it was pulsating, she said, it's too early to put in the report but between you and me that is your baby and the pulsating is it's heartbeat. It just took the breath right out of me. It was truly amazing to see life at that stage. I left still feeling uncertain and refused to let myself become attached to that beautiful pulsating line after all they couldn't see a reason for the bleeding, just like last time, I thought my body was failing this baby again.

I had more bleeding on and off the next week, and I went back in for a follow up during the sixth week, thankfully Matt was with me this time, but we both remained very detached to the whole thing, we always expected to be told our baby was gone. Once again everything was still there and there it was a beautiful little bean with a strong heartbeat measuring spot on. Amazing truly. During this ultrasound the tech found the source of the bleeding, it wasn't too big of a uterine bleed, but it was very close to the baby. My heart sunk again. It was pretty much a 50/50 shot now either the bleed gets bigger and detaches the baby thus causing another miscarriage or the bleed heals up and we have a baby. I was put on modified bed rest and we hoped for the best, I wouldn't have another ultrasound until my first OB appointment at 9 weeks. It was another hellish 3 weeks but when we went in for that 9 week ultrasound we saw a beautiful baby in there with a beautiful heartbeat and the best news was that the bleed had healed! Matt looked at the ultrasound and said it looks like a jellybean, and I thought well maybe we are going to have a baby after all...

It took a long while to get excited about Ava's pregnancy, I just couldn't let myself get hurt again, but as she held on and grew we opened our hearts. One of the reasons we found out the sex ahead of time this time was because Matt and I were both having a hard time connecting to the pregnancy and to the baby, once we found out we were having a girl and we picked her name out, it really helped to kind of pre-bond with her and I think that helped us during the pregnancy and I think it also helped me post delivery in bonding with her. She is our little fighter and I just wish I knew how that story was going to end a year a go today when I found out she was on the way. I do wish I could have enjoyed more of her pregnancy, but after you have suffered a loss, I don't think you ever look at pregnancy the same, I think about how happy and care free I was with Logan's pregnancy and sadly Matt and I have talked about how it will NEVER be like that again, your changed forever when it happens to you.

Ava was truly a gift from above and we know our angle baby Peanut was watching out for her.

I still haven't written out Ava's birth story, although I had a much better birth experience this time around and really no c-section depression this time, I am still coming to grips with my failed VBAC attempt or I should say the VBAC attempt that never was and the fact I will never experience the birth I wanted, that we wanted, so I haven't been ready to write it out, but I think I will do it this week, I want to have it, just like I have Logan's to look back on. It might not be the story we wanted, but it is the story of how our beautiful daughter got her and that really is all that matters in the grand scheme.

One Busy Saturday

Whew! I am exhausted after all the running around we did today! We started the day by heading over to our library for a preschool fair they were having. They had all the area preschools there which was nice and I picked up a lot of good information and got to meet a lot of the teachers. Logan was excited because he got a balloon and a big old cookie and he also one a raffle one of the schools held and got a new bear book Bear's New Friend by Karma Wilson, he loves the bear books. Logan was also excited to see one of his MDO teachers there at her table so that was fun and she gave me the scoop on some of the better preschools in our area. I pretty much got around to every table, I did skip the Catholic schools since we would rather be in a Lutheran or UCC affiliated school and I skipped the Montessori tables because we know that is not for us or for Logan. It was over whelming the amount of info I got, and it was kind of funny to watch some of these parents grill these preschool teachers, as if your kids preschool experience is really going to determine if he or she goes to Yale or becomes a rocket scientist...gees.

After we were done there we ran home packed up the car and headed out to Dundee, we spent a little time at Mom's and then Matt and I and Ava went to the rink for my skating lesson and my two coaches got to see Ava so that was fun and I had a good skate adding back my last two big jumps which now just leaves the Axel which we won't work on until I am stronger and my hip is better. Surprisingly the jump we thought would hurt my hip the most was actually felt the best, I think it's the pick jumps that are really bothering it and not so much my edge jumps so my loop looked like I never was off the ice (according to my coach) and it didn't really feel any different so that was good. I also did some Lutz's for the first time and I only landed one really, but I am sure they will come back pretty fast (it was also the end of the lesson and my endurance is crap right now so that could have been the problem too) I also did a couple of camel spins and those weren't to shabby either!

After skating we headed over to our friends house to have Ava's Baptism picture taken and also her 3 month picture taken. Our friend Lance has been taking our pictures since we did our maternity shots and he does awesome work and I can't wait to see how they turned out! Ava was a perfect little model and lasted pretty good for an hour long photo shoot! Once we finished up with photo's we had to run to get a birthday present for Matt's Dad and then pick up Logan from my Mom's and head to Matt's parents house for his Dad's birthday. We were only about 20 minutes late to our final destination, not to bad given the busy day we had! Logan had fun playing with his uncles and cousin and of course Ms. Ava was doted on while we were there.

It was a long day and Logan passed out about five minutes into the drive home. Matt and I got to relax once we got home and had Logan in bed, but man we were pooped! Looking forward to having nothing on the agenda next weekend (except for that potty training thing...eek!)

I Heart Friday's!

I love Friday's, why is that you ask? Because Friday means MDO (Mother's Day Out) for Logan! Not that I don't love the little lad, but having my Friday mornings to myself before Ava was born and now just having to deal with Ava is like Heaven. Of course Logan LOVES going to MDO too so it makes everyone happy. Friday's I get to catch up on cleaning, write out bills, etc. without being interrupted a million times and now it's allows me time to just pay attention to Ava since she's slided sometimes since Logan is Mr. Demanding. So this Friday I find myself where else but on the computer playing with my Farm and Cafe on Facebook, while Ava is napping. I should be taking a nap myself but there is so much work to do around here that I of course will get too as soon as I am off this darn computer. We have a really busy day tomorrow so I need to get everything in order for tomorrow and I need to clean for sure, but it's so nice to sit here and just relax...

In other news, I have to run out after Matt gets home and buy Ava some diapers, we are getting dangerously low. She is over 3 months old and this is the first time that i have had to buy her diapers...cool huh? We had enough stocked up from my diaper shower and what we had bought before she was born and it lasted 3 months! I still have 4 packs of diapers in the closet but they are size 3 and those are still too big for her, but it sure was nice not to have to worry about getting her diapers for the first 3 months. Now that I have to buy diapers for her, I told Logan that his are going bye-bye, so next weekend since we actually have nothing going on we are going to start hardcore potty training with him...should be interesting. Keep your fingers crossed that he gets the hang of it and it's not to stressful!

Thursday's = Gymnastics!

No not for me, that ship sailed along time ago...

But Thursday's mean gymnastics for Logan! This is the start of his second session at American Academy of Gymnastics in Palatine (I trained their once in awhile before meets when I was on the Lattof YMCA Gymnastics team) He really loves going to gymnastics, he was still enjoying Gymboree, but when he turned 3 he would have had to move up to the child independent class which was two hours long and parents had to be there for the first and last fifteen minutes of the class and had to stay within the strip mall for the entirety of the two hour class and with a newborn that wasn't going to work and family Gymboree is on Friday's when he was at MDO so we said good by to Gym-Bo and Gymboree and started gymnastics.

Of course having the gymnastics background and coaching background that I have I would only send my son to a gym that I was familiar with and comfortable with (and of course at the first of the year the gym changed hands and now I have no background info). Matt comes home early to take him because he is still in the parent & tot class and since I was still recovering from birth I couldn't be up on the tramps with him and doing other things like that. So it's a Daddy and son thing now. I did go to the first class because I wanted to see how the class was run and made sure I was ok with it. Logan's teacher is wonderful with him and I was happy with the way he ran class so that was good. So now on Thursday's all I hear all day long is about gymnastics, Logan gets very excited and he counts down the hours announcing what time it is and what time is will be when he goes to gymnastics.

Logan is getting better at listening and doing what is asked of him at gymnastics, but his favorite is still the trampolines (the regular one and the tumble track). Matt mentioned that he still wouldn't do a forward roll, so I taught him how to do one on our couch at home, I don't want to over step his teacher, but I taught the same age group so I know what I am doing of course so he is safe. So now he tries to do forward rolls all over the place.

I think some people in my family think I am crazy for putting him in gymnastics, but really at this age it's all about developing those fine motor skills and any kid Logan's age will benefit from gymnastics. And hey if he takes to it and likes it and has some natural ability for it like I did, then great! Male gymnasts are not a dime a dozen like female gymnasts and if he is good and can get a college scholarship than hey great for him, but that is way down the line and we are just having fun with it now.

Admittedly I am trying to stay out of his gymnastics right now, the one time I went it was really hard for me to just sit there and not help him through everything or give him a different way to do it. The very act of walking into that gym was hard for me and once I hit the main floor and could smell that gym smell and see the gymnasts working it brought back a lot of painful memories, what was, what should have been. Don't get me wrong I had a lot of fun times, but towards the end it wasn't so fun and gym politics really beat me down and put a sour taste in my mouth. When I was coaching at the park district it was very healing for me, I am so glad I did coach because I had a lot of reservations about doing it, and unfortunately I had to give it up because my boss was a tool, but it felt good to help young kids learn and give them confidence and not break them down like so many coaches do to their gymnasts, ruling through fear and what not. But sitting on a chair in that gym looking through the door and watching the gymnasts working on bars (my worst event by far) and smelling that gym air just brings it all back the good the bad and the ugly. Once of the reasons I am so thankful for my skating career and my skating coaches, everything I ever wanted to accomplish in gymnastics I have done in skating (US Nationals with my sychro team, traveling for competitions, ISI WORLD Champs, lot's of success in competition) and have done it with supportive coaches that NEVER tear you down only build you up and push you in the right way. Between coaching gymnastics and my skating it has healed those old wounds from my failed gymnastics career.

So for now Logan is having a blast and getting good exercise with Daddy and Ava and me have our Thursday Mommy & Daughter time to look forward too!

Just A Lazy Day & Breastfeeding Woes

Not too much happening today, I had a doctor's appointment with my OB this morning just for a follow-up to a procedure I had done, I was in and out pretty fast, which was nice. I have my annual next month and then I won't see my OB for a whole year, I think I'll kind of miss him after seeing him at least once a month usuaslly more since May... Then I headed home so Matt could get back to work. I just hung around with the kiddos today even though I had plenty that could of been done cleaning wise. Logan and I played some games, Ava slept a lot so Logan was happy with all the attention he got.

Ava had a rough night last night and she was refusing to nurse and since I didn't have any pumped milk I had to give her, her first bit of formula since she was born. Of course it made me feel like a failure (stupid breastfeeding guilt which is accompanied by the guilt that we spend big $$ on a nice pump so we wouldn't have to do formula) but she barely had 2 oz's so really it's not a big deal. I think she is starting to teethe, Logan's first teeth broke through when he was 4 months old and he began teething in January so given the fact that she chews on her hands all the time and is drooling up a storm I think that is what is gong on and it's making it painful for her to nurse sometimes. This is about the time that Logan and I started nursing much less and he was pretty much getting formula during the day and only nursing in the morning and nights I just really want to get over this hump with Ava. This time I know what to expect and I am trying not to get flustered and give up. I bought a good pump this time around so I just need to keep that supply up in the freezer and I she shouldn't have to give to much formula. I had a bunch of formula samples sent to the house so my goal is to not have to actually buy any this time. In all honesty I really do not like breastfeeding, but I do it because it's whats best for my babies and it has benefits for me as well, but I really never have enjoyed it like a lot of mothers do (although this time around has been much easier for me). My original plan was to pump mostly, but Ava took to the breast so well that I felt bad about taking it away from her. We introduced the bottle at about a month and a half and she took right to that too, so luckly when I need a break or I am not home she can get fed with no problems. So anyway here I am trying to get over my 2 oz's of formula guilt, Ava on the other hand went right back to nursing from me today like it never happened so all is good!

2nd Day Back On The Ice

I headed out to my first group lesson in well over a year tonight. I saw my original skating coach who is now skate school director at the new rink and she ran over and gave me a big hug, and said she was so happy for me and glad to see me back. She is also teaching the adult/teen group so I get to have her as a coach again which is nice! It was kinda surreal having her teaching me again off in the corner of the rink, made me miss the old days at the Polar Dome! Hard to believe I have been skating for eight years now and my first lesson ever was with this coach, she's seen me get engaged, she was at my wedding, and now I'm having babies! Both of my coaches have been with me through all that and they are just truly the best. While I was off the ice having Ava the rink switched over from ISI (Ice Skating Institute) to US figure skating, the two don't mesh real well, and it sounds like the former Polar Dome are not too happy with the switch. Since they did the switch I went back to adult group lessons where I can work on what I need too since there is no real other place for me now since I am passed the highest skate school level there is, I don't know it's weird. I skated US figure skating for sychro and I have one of my moves tests done, but I prefer ISI and any more competing I do individually will still be ISI events. I will also continue to test in ISI as well. I also got the ice show info tonight, I am so looking forward to doing an ice show again!

So my second day back on went just as well, my spins were a little un-centered tonight, but landed all the same jumps again. My hip and back were much more sore since I had just skated on Saturday and I didn't take any pain reliever before getting on tonight because I wanted to see how well I could hold up without it, and it wasn't too bad at all. I am hoping my hip will get stronger and the pain will go away soon. I think I am going to try some Lutz jumps on Saturday since my flips came back with no problem and depending on how my hip feels I may do a couple loops but I really can't over do it with those. I have noticed as I have gotten older I can't do as many reps, so I just try and make the ones I do, do, really good. I remember being in gymnastics and being able to do back to back routines like nothing, ah the good old days. That is all for now, back on the ice again on Saturday!

Just Draggin Today...

For some reason I am just dragging today, I so wished I could have taken a long nap with Ava this morning but Logan wouldn't have liked that too much. It just been one of those days around here, Logan is clingy, Ava's not eating easy today, we had a poop explosion that required a total strip down and new outfit for Ava, Matt is in a bad mood when he called from work and I just want to nap. I did manage to make a new marinade for our steak tonight and it smells good so hopefully it will taste as good as it smells. The house is a mess right now and I know it's not going to get picked up tonight, once Logan is in bed (which by the way can't come soon enough today, to much partying this weekend for him) I am going to hit the couch and not move until I go to bed. Matt should be home any minute so that is at least a little break for me since Logan will be attached to him once he makes it through the door. I am suppose to start my Tuesday group skating lessons tomorrow (it's been awhile since I was in a group lesson since I was preggo) and it will be interesting to see how well I skate after a day with two kids now. Usually the cold air and smell of the rink perk me up enough to get through class, but I know I will sleep good tomorrow night!

So after the poop explosion clean up we did a little photo shoot to kill the time waiting for Matt to get home. Here are some shots:

Right before the explosion

Blue Steel

They just melt my heart...

Ava's Chattering & Logan's Playing

Little Ms. Ava sure has found her "voice" today, she is just chattering and stretching away and she is really loud too! It's so funny it's like she's talking right to you. She is also playing like crazy under her activity gym, she bats and grabs on to her toys now and swings them around. It is so crazy to see the differences between her and Logan when he was 3 months. Logan was very quite and never cared much for his play gym, maybe it's just the girl in her but Ava is vocal and into all her toys already. She is such a happy baby (most of the time) and it makes me feel so good that I know she is happy. While Ava was playing under her gym today she got really close to rolling over (from back to tummy), it won't be long now. I was lucky enough to catch Logan's first roll over on our video camera so I should probably get that charged up and put a new tape in so I can get hers too.

Logan got to play with his cousins today so he was a happy camper until we had to leave of course, leaving places where he is having a good time is a challenge right now but hopefully we can work through it and it will get better. It's so fun to watch Logan interact with kids around his age, he is much more social than he use to be (thanks to MDO) and he has such a look of joy in his face when he's playing with other kids. He made his first non family friend at school so he comes home after school each week and let's us know what he and Max did that day and then talks about his friend Max all week leading up to school. I am so proud of my little man, he has come a very long way... Matt and I are going to a preschool fair at our library on Saturday to get info for all the area preschools, hard to believe our first bundle is starting preschool in the fall.

Back On The Ice!!

Today was my first day back to skating since I had Ava, and I can happily say it went really well, way better than my first attempt after having Logan. Of course I was off the ice much longer with Logan, with Ava I skated from the time I found out I was pregnant until 5 weeks then I was off for 10 weeks because of the uterine bleed I developed and got back on at 15 weeks and skated until 29 weeks (no jumping or spinning once I got back on at 15 weeks) and it really did make a big difference. Warming up felt good, my feet really didn't bother me anymore than normal and my hip that has been giving me trouble felt good. I was able to do some decent spins and landed all the jumps that I tried (waltz, toe loop, Salchow, and flip). I didn't do any loops because that would have been a lot of pressure on my bad hip and no lutz's which also really would have been hard on the hip and obviously I am not attempting any axles until I'm a bit more back in shape. It felt sooo good to skate again, there is something about the smell of ice when you step in the rink, I just love it. I am so excited to get back in shape and do the ice show this year. I might think about doing a competition in the summer or fall, since I haven't competed independently since July of '07 when I went to ISI Worlds, I was competing hard core with my sychro team though up until May of 2008 (and yes my sychro coach is already trying to get me back next season...) I will be skating two days a week now so hopefully things will move along nicely and I will be good to go for ice show time. Matt and I busted out the Wii Fit again so I will get going with the yoga on there and the strength training to hopefully get my hip and back stronger which will really help me get my bigger jumps going again. So first day was a success and it felt really good, as a new mom again and a mom of a toddler it's nice to have somewhere to go and let off some steam and get a work out all the same time!

Happy 3 Month Birthday Day Ava!

Wow, I can hardly believe that Ava is 3 months old today! The last three months have gone so fast. I think we need to stop having babies in October, because starting in October we have a bunch of family birthdays, then Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, it really makes time move way to fast! She has become so social she is smiling and talking all the time. She loves grabbing at her toys now and now she is even jumping in the jumperoo...she is getting so big! Since babies don't have a well check-up during month three, we did her stats at home using a good ol' tape measure and the Wii Fit. Ava weighs in at 14.6 lbs and 24 1/4 inches! She is just the greatest baby and has been since day one, we are so blessed to have her. Every morning she wakes up happy and I peek over at her in the bassinet and she gives me a big gummy smile, it's the best way to start your day! I love watching her personality develop, and seeing all the things that get her excited. Happy 3 months to my little girl, they have been three of the best months of my life!

My Big 3 Month Old!

Ava's First Jump In The Jumperoo!

I was feeling like Ava needed some new stimulation and was thinking about pulling out the exersaucer out for her, but I remembered that when we put Logan in that at first there was too much room in the seat and he would flop around so then I thought I would try the jumperoo because I remember the seat being much smaller, but originally wasn't going to put her in it yet because it seemed to advanced for her, boy was I wrong, in fact I have to move it up to the second setting already because she is so darn tall! Anyway once I got the thing cleaned up and the seat put back in (which took me awhile to figure out again) I put her in it and she just looked at me and smiled and smiled. She's too young to move the seat around so I moved it for her and showed her all the different toys and lights, she really liked it, she ever did a little bouncing. Later when she was in there while I was cooking dinner, Logan came home from gymnastics and then I hear him in the living room with her playing with her showing her the toys...I love seeing them interact together it's the best! So the ol' jumperoo was a success, but she did look like such a big girl in it and that makes me kinda sad too...

Happy 11 Year Anniversary to Hubby and Me!

Wow 11 years sounds like a long time and makes me feel kinda old...

But they have been 11 wonderful years, who knew that the boy that sat at my table in Jr. English class would one day become my husband and we would have two beautiful children together! We survived high school, going to different colleges and many changes together, but we were lucky enough to grow together and not apart through all that time. I love Matt more and more everyday and I am so lucky to have him. He is the greatest husband ever and does everything and more for me. He is the most hands on Dad I have ever met and I have loved watching him become a father first with Logan and now watching him with our little girl, there really is no words to describe the feeling. He is my biggest supporter, always willing to travel to my skating comps and taking care of Logan when I had to travel far for sychro. He always tells me I am beautiful even if it just after having a c-section and I look a royal mess or after a bad day with the kids and no shower...

I can't imagine living this life without him. I look forward to what the future holds for us and working through life's challenges with him.

I love you sweetie and am forever grateful for your love. Here's to the next 11 years and more!

Some Highlights:

People still talk about our wedding reception...it was a party for sure!

Our Honeymoon in Maui

Biking Down A Volcano Together

Logan's Birth

Ava's Birth