What Should Have Been...

Today (or there about, but today was my due date) would have been Peanuts first birthday. Such a weird feeling, I don't know how to even explain it. I am so sad that we lost Peanut, but if we had not lost Peanut we wouldn't have Ava, how do you reconcile that? I thought about Peanut a lot right after we had Ava, just wishing he or she had a chance to experience life. My loss was so hard, but I found peace and meaning in it and helped me come to the decision to go back to school and go into nursing, God had a plan for that short life. Our little Peanut always close to my heart.

Just Those Few Weeks
For just those few weeks
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time
to be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks,
I came to know you...
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks...
when I lost you,
i lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams and aspirations.
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks...
It wasn't enough time to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
and no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks..
And no "normal" person would cry all night
Over a tiny unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I??
You were just those few weeks, my little one.
You darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life richer
and to give me a small glimpse of eternity.
~S. Erling